An Algorithm for Agreement

Inspired by this Quora post, I thought out a formula by which two parties can compromise. Note that this formula is mostly limited to a negotiation where the two party's desires don't interact with each other. Person one makes a list of their desires and gives them a point value of 1 to 5 points, based on their importance, with 5 being the most important desires and 1 being the least important. Person two does the same thing with their desires. After each person makes their list, they copy down the desires without the associated values and gives it to the other person. Each person takes the other person's copy of their list and writes down a number from 1 to 5, indicating what level of their desire they feel they should granted in return based on granting the desire. This requires a level of honesty and thought as to how difficult or unpleasant it is to fulfill a given request. After both people do this, every desire is ranked according to how both people value it. An objective third party, or the people themselves if they aren't highly contentious, can now trade similar or exactly valued things. Starting with the highest personal priorities, the third party will grant a desire for each person, trading for a desire of the other person that matches the 2nd person's rating. Additionally, more than one lower value desire can be combined as a trade for a higher value desire. When no more trades can be made, a deal is formed. Example from a hypothetical married couple: Step 1: List desires Jack's desires: More home-cooked meals, less complaining, TV time for sports, nights out with the guys. Letty's desires: Jack puts laundry in hamper, TV time for crime dramas, movie nights at home with just the two of them, more nights going out to eat. Step 2: Each person ranks their own desires. Jack: More home-cooked meals - 2, less complaining - 2, TV time for sports - 5, nights out with the guys - 4. Letty: Jack puts laundry in hamper - 1, TV time for crime dramas - 2, movie nights at home with just the two of them - 4, more nights going out to eat - 5. Step 3: Each person takes a copied list of the other person's desires and ranks them. Letty looks at Jack's list and gives what number desire she would like granted for her acquiescing to each one: More home-cooked meals - 4, less complaining - 1, TV time for sports - 3, nights out with the guys - 5 Jack looks at Letty's list and gives what number desire he would like granted for each one: Jack puts laundry in hamper - 3, TV time for crime dramas - 4, movie nights at home with just the two of them - 2, more nights going out to eat - 3. The two lists are reconciled, either by an objective third party. Here are what some trades might be.

The Challenge of Change

        We are all slaves to our own emotions, to our deficiencies and shortcomings, to that about ourselves which we cannot control. Or so one assumption goes. The unchangeable self is an all-too-common assumption/perception, especially among those with low self-esteem.        

There is another set of assumptions, sometimes called the growth mindset, that says the self is not fixed. The mind can can grow and change. That which we dislike about ourselves can be altered through thought and effort. Breaking habits, changing conceptions, regulating emotions- None of these are easy to do, and their perceived difficulty increases with age. When we are young, change does not appear difficult because our lives change all the time. We face a new teacher each year, form and break friendships, grow in physical ways and adapt emotionally to new surroundings.

        Children are built to adapt to change because they generally lack the power and consciousness to control their realities. I believe (though this is not substantiated by research-based evidence) that the way children perceive and react to difficulty in their lives will largely influence the perceived challenge associated with change as an adult.         When adults fall out of practice of adapting to their environment and changing themselves in response, they become more set in their ways as inertia increases.         In the end, it is up to each person to make their choice. Life, after all, is but the culmination of a serious of choices made. Will they stay comfortable with their flaws and choose the path of least resistance because change seems so impossible? Or will they push themselves past the difficulty and resistance into a better version of themselves?         What will you do?